No Submission to Criticism! Try Verbal Self Defense

The art of verbal self defense is a valuable thing to learn in order to protect yourself from the toxic negative communication that is so much a part of today's daily life. What is the gentle art of verbal self defense, and how can you use it in your life? These are just some of the questions that you need to know the answers to before you can make use of verbal self defense techniques.

What Is Verbal Self Defense?

Verbal self defense is not what you might be thinking. It has nothing to do with lashing out with a quick come back when someone is arguing with you. This is what many people think of when they hear the term. But verbal self defense is actually almost the opposite of this image. It involves stopping to think before reacting to an antagonist in your life.

We normally react to dangers we suppose in our lives without thinking. If someone starts an argument with us, we immediately argue back, even if we truly do not care about the argument. Verbal self defense teaches you how to stop and think before jumping into an argument. There are three basic steps in the process of verbal self defense.

Really Understanding The Situation

Verbal self defense involves first really understanding the situation. When someone starts to argue with you, someone that you feel is a threat in some part of your life, your brain sends you into "fight or flight" response. This happens because you really do not know what is happening in the situation. The first step in the art of verbal self defense is to realize that rather than the person attacking you actually being a threat, chances are he is either severely insecure, or just really ignorant.

Listen, Do Not Leap To Conclusions

The biggest reason we participate in arguments we really do not care about is because we jump to conclusions without really listening to what the other person is saying. When we jump to conclusions about the other person, we turn off our listening response, and arguing begins. Listening involves understanding the motives and reasons behind what the person is saying, not just hearing the words being said.

Sometimes, when we stop to truly listen, we find out that we really are under attack, and this is valuable, because we can then respond to the attack correctly, because we know the nature of the attack.

Responding Correctly

The final step in verbal self defense is to show the attacker that you are not willing to play their victim. This does not mean that you ignore the attack. Instead, you create the proper language around yourself by responding in a way that diffuses the attack. This response could be responding with a long, boring narrative that sends the attacker packing. This combines verbal self defense and various levels of psychology to prove that you are not an easy target.

Continue to: Goal of Verbal Self Defense